That Day
by Kinda.Sorta.Insane
Summary: Hiroki recalls how he felt after his night with Akihiko and how he felt about Nowaki in the early stages of their relationship.


I don't own Junjou Romantica or That Day by Tokio Hotel. The stuff like –this- is normal lyrics and the stuff like *this* is whispered lyrics, just so you know. Like all my other fic, this is unbeta'd so sorry for any and all mistakes...

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-Rain falls, it don't touch the ground-

-I can recall an empty house-

-You say I'm fixed but I still feel broken, broken-

After I realized Akihiko regretted using me as a substitute, I felt terrible, to say the least. I wasn't into it anymore. I didn't want to be in the situation any longer. I also couldn't believe that my feelings weren't reaching him… I couldn't believe how much it hurt… how much I had been counting on that…

-Lights on, lights off, nothin' works-

-I'm cool, I'm great, I'm a jerk-

-I feed myself lies with the words left unspoken-

*Gonna be okay, gonna be okay, one day, one day*

I wasn't able to the difference between day and night. It wasn't until the next morning that I was able to see how much it had hurt both of us. When I'd suggested it, I'd thought that it was a great opportunity. Now I can tell I was being a bad friend… it was selfish of me to think that it would all work out in the end.

-That day never came, that day never comes-

-I'm not letting go, I keep hangin' on-

-Everybody says that time heals the pain-

-I've been waiting forever, that day never came-

Looking back still hurts. I don't know if it should, since I have Nowaki now and I love him but… Maybe its because the issue was never really resolved. Or maybe, its because I haven't told anyone, not even Nowaki. Or… maybe… its because a part of me, a very small part, still loves Akihiko. I'd always thought that love could die. Which is part of the reason I never told him. And also part of the reason why I didn't let go.

-You said I'd be comin' home-

-They said he's fine left alone-

-The screams in my mind-

-I keep them a secret, a secret-

The day after that night I'd felt like I was I was going to burst, I had wonted to cry so badly. That's how I had ended up at the park. A public place where my pride wouldn't allow me to cry. It would make it easier t stifle the heart and wailing part of my heart if I refrained from crying. Whenever I felt as I had then, on a smaller scale of course, I would inevitably end up at a place like this.

-Doctors and your promises-

-Physics, healers, I've seen the best-

-Whatever they sell, sure know how to deal it-

*Gonna be okay, gonna be okay, one day, one day*

I never really thought of that night again. Not from the moment I heard those words leave Nowaki's lips… '… I'd never make you cry like that.' It had shocked me that some random guy I'd met in a park had seen a part of me that I tried my hardest to hide. He'd seen a part of me that was still a scared little boy, not wanting to get hurt, never giving up on the impossible… he'd seen that.

-That day never came, that day never comes-

-I'm not letting go, I keep hangin' on-

-Everybody says that time heals the pain-

-I've been waiting forever, that day never came-

When he left for America… those old memories of Akihiko resurfaced. That night… everything mixed in with memories of Nowaki and created such unbearable pain… I had thought I was going to die.

*Gonna be okay, gonna be okay, one day, one day*

So, when ha came back from the states, I was confused, hadn't he left me? I was mad, what was wrong with him? I didn't know what to do… Even after all of that, I still loved him more than anybody else.

-That day never came, that day never comes-

-I'm not letting go, I keep hangin' on-

-Everybody says that time heals the pain-

-I've been waiting forever, that day never came-

-That day never came-

So that's why… I want to try and show Nowaki how much I love him, how much I need him, and how much he really means to me. I've resolved, that one day in the not so distant future, I'd find the time to talk to Akihiko and then… then I will be ready to tell Nowaki. I'm sure it'll mean a lot to him to know that I trust him so much, though I fear he will get mad… I'll just love him that much more I suppose…

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Right now, I have this strange obsession with the egoist characters and pairing as a whole. Couple that with my newfound obsession for Tokio Hotel, and you get more fanfiction from yours truly. Sometime in the next few days I plan on finishing a fanfiction where Miyagi writes a fanfiction about the egoist pairing and Hiroki reads it, but it's not quite done yet… The romantica one is though, and then I'm going to write a terrorist one. So some people may want to look out for that… I actually have nothing else to say…


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